Warning: what you’re about to read is wildly unrealistic, a little chaotic, and almost guaranteed to make at least one fan base furious — and that’s exactly the point.
This isn’t a feel-good column designed to win friends or earn approval. The entire mission here is simple: dream up trades.
Big ones.
Straightforward star-for-prospect swaps? Those are fun.
But this time, in true holiday fashion, the idea is to absolutely overstuff the trade machine and see how unruly things can get.
What follows is a series of massive, loud, and to be absolutely clear, very unlikely trades that not only feature some of the biggest names in the rumor mill, but involve three teams in every single scenario. And this is the part most people miss: the fun is in the absurdity, not the realism.
So go ahead and yell if you feel the urge. When you start inventing three-team blockbusters out of thin air, you practically guarantee that three different fan bases will be mad at you at the same time. That’s a risk taken gladly in the name of conversation, debate, and a little offseason chaos. Because few things are more entertaining than talking trades — even when (or especially when) they’re completely hypothetical.
1) The most “Cys-mic” shakeup
Mets receive: LHP Tarik Skubal
Tigers receive: RHP Paul Skenes
If Detroit ever seriously considers moving Tarik Skubal, the Mets look like a near-perfect landing spot. From New York’s perspective, adding a true ace is the missing piece, but from the Tigers’ side, it is hard to justify dealing Skubal unless the return is so strong that they can still be viewed as legitimate World Series contenders. That’s where a pitcher of Paul Skenes’ stature comes into play.
In this imagined blockbuster, the Pirates ship out Skenes — even though, in reality, almost nobody expects them to make him available — and the Tigers turn one frontline, Cy Young-level arm into another. It’s a wild concept, and yes, probably far from anything that would actually happen, but it does highlight a scenario where both Detroit and Pittsburgh could claim they maximized the trade value of their respective aces.
For the Mets, Skubal instantly becomes the unquestioned staff anchor they’ve been missing at the top of the rotation. He’s the kind of arm they would almost certainly look to extend long-term, possibly even before he reaches free agency, in the same way they once did with Francisco Lindor. The logic is simple: if you finally get the ace you’ve been chasing, you don’t let him get away.
Detroit, on the other hand, would essentially be swapping one of the two best pitchers in baseball for another pitcher in that same conversation, only with contractual control through 2029. That longer window lines up more cleanly with their young core, allowing them to stay competitive now while also setting themselves up nicely for the back half of the decade. It’s one of those rare ideas where the contender today and the contender of tomorrow are the same franchise.
The cost, of course, would be enormous for everyone. The Mets would be pushing more chips in for a serious 2026 World Series push, while the Tigers preserve their own championship chances and extend their competitive timeline. Meanwhile, the Pirates, who might enter the offseason intending to add bats around Skenes after he received painfully little run support in his losses, would instead pivot hard into the future with a massive haul of prospects, including multiple Top 100 names. That kind of package could turn Pittsburgh into a genuine threat by 2027 and beyond. But here’s where it gets controversial: is it smarter to build around one generational arm, or to flip him for a pile of talent and hope the math works out?
Who turns this down? Realistically, probably every team involved, for different reasons. Still, you can imagine Skenes smiling at the idea of pitching for a team called the Tigers again.
2) The I-95 traffic jam
Orioles receive: LHP MacKenzie Gore, C Keibert Ruiz
Phillies receive: C Adley Rutschman
The Orioles badly need high-end starting pitching, and this winter there has been some chatter that they could consider moving franchise catcher Adley Rutschman, especially after extending his understudy, Samuel Basallo, on a long-term deal. On the surface, that sounds drastic, and honestly, it probably is. Basallo may not be ready to take over full-time behind the plate, and dealing Rutschman now would mean selling low after a disappointing 2025 campaign.
But the entire point of this exercise is to make trades, not sensible, low-drama tweaks. In this three-team construction, Baltimore gets MacKenzie Gore, a left-hander coming off his first All-Star appearance and entering his age-26 season. His second half was rough — an ugly ERA over a short stretch really skewed his numbers — but overall, he misses bats, stays on the mound, and still has that “potential ace” label that made him a top Draft pick.
Given the cost of front-line pitching in today’s game, you can make a strong argument that Gore’s current trade value actually exceeds that of Rutschman. To balance that out, the Orioles also agree to absorb Keibert Ruiz’s contract, with his deal running through 2030. Ruiz could split catching duties with Basallo and provide a bridge until Basallo is ready to take on a bigger workload. It’s not a minor commitment, but it gives the O’s a path to both pitching help and catching stability.
For the Phillies, this is a chance to get younger and more dynamic in the heart of the lineup while filling the void left by veteran free agent J.T. Realmuto. Rutschman may be coming off a down year, but his upside is obvious, and in a hitter-friendly environment with a strong surrounding cast, he could easily bounce back in a big way. To make it happen, Philadelphia parts with a premium infield prospect and clears some financial and clubhouse space.
By moving on from Nick Castellanos and his 2026 salary obligation, the Phillies free up money that can be redirected toward keeping a key bat like Kyle Schwarber or pursuing other upgrades. They also reduce the risk of ongoing personality or performance issues affecting the roster. It’s the kind of move that hurts in the short term but can reshape the team’s identity.
Meanwhile, the Nationals deepen their farm system and escape a long-term commitment to Ruiz by instead absorbing a shorter-term contract in Castellanos. He can log at-bats for them as a designated hitter or corner outfielder until they decide to cut bait or flip him again at a future Deadline. For a front office looking to clean up the books and start fresh, consolidating future flexibility in exchange for a few seasons of an aging but still capable bat has its own logic. But here’s where opinions will split: is shedding a long-term catching deal worth taking on a short-term, possibly messy contract like Castellanos?
Who declines? Again, likely all sides. Still, somewhere in a marketing department, someone is already designing “BaltiGore” graphics in their head.
3) The “Bux” are on the move
Reds receive: OF Byron Buxton
Astros receive: RHP Brady Singer
Last summer, Byron Buxton publicly called himself a “Minnesota Twin for life,” but reports have hinted that he might reconsider that stance if the tear-down at the Trade Deadline continues. Any real-world trade scenario is complicated by his full no-trade clause, which gives him control over his future. For the sake of this exercise, though, assume the Twins’ reset does continue and Buxton is open to a new chapter.
In that case, Cincinnati makes a ton of sense. The Reds have built up pitching depth and could use some of that surplus to upgrade a lineup that could use an explosive, two-way talent. At around $15 million per year over the next three seasons, Buxton’s contract may actually fit more comfortably into their budget than top-tier free-agent bats, especially considering his upside on both offense and defense.
Brady Singer is entering his final year of arbitration and does not really align with Minnesota’s timeline if they lean into a transition phase. However, he is exactly the kind of mid-rotation, reasonably priced starter that fits an Astros team likely to lose a linchpin like Framber Valdez in free agency. Houston could plug Singer into its rotation and feel confident in his ability to deliver solid innings while they sort out their long-term pitching plan.
In this framework, the Reds walk away with an All-Star center fielder coming off arguably his best season, the Astros shore up their rotation without an outrageous financial commitment, and the Twins refuel the farm by collecting prospects from both clubs. But here’s where it gets spicy: is Buxton’s health and volatility too big a risk for Cincinnati, and is Singer enough of a return for Houston to justify helping facilitate this idea?
Who says no? Realistically, probably everyone — and Buxton himself might be first in line to exercise that no-trade clause.
4) A mini (or Minny?) Mookie sequel
Dodgers receive: OF Jarren Duran
Red Sox receive: RHP Joe Ryan
If the Twins are heading for a full-scale rebuild in this thought experiment, there’s no reason to stop at just one or two moves. This trade reunites the Dodgers, Red Sox, and Twins, the same trio that was involved in the complicated 2020 set of deals that ultimately delivered Mookie Betts to Los Angeles.
This new version doesn’t rise to that historic level, but it’s still a significant shakeup. The Red Sox, having already addressed the rotation by adding Sonny Gray, still need another big-time arm behind Garrett Crochet. Joe Ryan, under team control through 2027 and fresh off an All-Star season with a strong ERA+ over 171 innings, fits perfectly as that dependable “Dude” near the top of the rotation.
Boston’s outfield, meanwhile, is trending toward being a strength with players like Roman Anthony, Ceddanne Rafaela, and Wilyer Abreu looking like a future core. That depth gives them the flexibility to consider moving Jarren Duran, who is under control through 2028 and is projected to earn $8 million in 2026. The question is whether they feel comfortable sacrificing his power-speed blend for a pitching upgrade.
In a full rebuild mode, Minnesota might be expected to want a controllable player like Duran, but under the assumption here that they’re going truly young and prospect-heavy, they instead flip Ryan for a robust package of minor leaguers. That approach would stack their farm system and give them one of the deeper pipelines in the sport.
The Dodgers, who could easily check in on big-ticket free agents like Kyle Tucker or Cody Bellinger but may hesitate at the price tag and term, can solve an outfield need more creatively. Adding a 29-year-old Duran brings serious speed and power without the long, expensive commitment of a top free agent. It’s the kind of play that balances competitiveness now with flexibility later. But here’s the controversial angle: would Boston regret betting on pitching health and trading away a dynamic position player just when his value is peaking?
Who refuses? Almost certainly everyone involved. Still, for the Twins, this could be the kind of move that injects real Hope — with a capital H — into their future.
5) Cardinal cash shuffle
Mariners receive: UTIL Brendan Donovan
Mets receive: 3B Nolan Arenado, RHP/LHP Jurrangelo Cijntje
Money becomes a major factor in this idea, but that’s part of what makes it interesting. The Mariners have touted prospects like Cole Young and Colt Emerson earmarked for future infield roles. However, Young struggled to establish himself in 2025, Emerson has not debuted yet, and Seattle is clearly in a win-now window. Brendan Donovan, who can bounce between second and third base and is under control through 2027, gives them a versatile, ready-made infield solution.
On paper, the Mariners and Cardinals could simply line up a more straightforward trade. But in keeping with the three-team theme, this blueprint uses Seattle as a bridge to help St. Louis shed some financial weight. The Mets step in and take on the roughly $37 million owed to Nolan Arenado through 2027, despite the decline in his bat, because his glove remains elite and fits a New York club that has prioritized run prevention.
The Mets’ earlier move for a high-end defender like Semien (in this universe) already signaled a philosophical shift toward pitching-and-defense, so absorbing Arenado is at least consistent with that approach. It also clears the way for Mark Vientos to slide over to first base if Pete Alonso walks in free agency. If Alonso stays, Vientos becomes a trade chip, giving the Mets more flexibility. As a sweetener for taking on Arenado’s contract, New York also receives Jurrangelo Cijntje, an intriguing switch-pitcher with upside.
From a value standpoint, this might not be a dream scenario for the Mets, as it costs them money and a prospect, and Arenado’s offensive decline is real. However, the defensive impact and clubhouse presence might be enough for them to talk themselves into it. For the Cardinals, the benefit is clearer: they offload Arenado’s salary, add a power-hitting prospect like Montes who could be in the big leagues as soon as 2026, and accept that trading Donovan in a more complex deal means getting a slightly lighter package back than in a simple one-for-one.
The result is a three-way shuffling of needs: Seattle gets the versatile infielder for a contention push, the Mets lean even harder into run prevention while gambling on Arenado rebounding a bit at the plate, and St. Louis gains future financial freedom plus a potential impact bat. And this is the part most people will debate: is it worth it for the Mets to take on the money and risk just to stay “philosophically consistent”?
Who says no? Probably everyone except Arenado, who may be more open than ever to a change of scenery.
6) Brewing a new blockbuster
Braves receive: RHP Freddy Peralta
Brandon Woodruff accepting the qualifying offer doesn’t force Milwaukee to trade Freddy Peralta, but it does make such a move easier to imagine. The Brewers had an excellent regular-season offense, yet the postseason made it obvious that they still need more reliable power. Trading Peralta, who is a staff ace, could be their way to add it.
In this scenario, they acquire Brandon Lowe and Yandy Díaz, both pending free agents with manageable salaries, to infuse more thump into the lineup. Lowe can take over at second base while Gold Glove winner Brice Turang slides over to shortstop in place of Ortiz, whose bat didn’t deliver in 2025. Díaz can handle first base, a spot of need with Rhys Hoskins hitting free agency and Andrew Vaughn’s late-season power outage raising concern.
To fully justify moving a year of Peralta and four years of team control on Ortiz, the Brewers also get MLB’s No. 72 overall prospect, Cam Caminiti, alongside a high-upside 17-year-old Cuban talent in Tornes. That combination of present help and future upside softens the blow of sending away a top-tier starter. It’s a classic “one step back on the mound, two steps forward in the lineup and farm” kind of idea.
The Braves, in turn, significantly bolster their rotation with Peralta, giving them another impact arm for deep postseason runs. Tampa Bay, which sends Lowe and Díaz out the door, receives multiple prospects and a controllable shortstop option, turning expiring contracts into longer-term assets. The Rays being the Rays, that kind of value-focused pivot feels perfectly on brand.
Who walks away? Likely all three front offices, each for their own reasons. But it does raise a fun question: should small- and mid-market clubs be more aggressive in flipping aces early to reload their systems, even while still competitive?
Bonus mega-deal: a seven-team circus
Red Sox receive: 1B Jake Burger
Rangers receive: C Ryan Jeffers
Marlins receive: 1B Triston Casas
Diamondbacks receive: RHP Sandy Alcantara
Guardians receive: 3B Alec Bohm
Phillies receive: CF Alek Thomas, RHP Braylon Doughty
After cobbling together so many multi-team trades, why stop at three clubs when the all-time record for teams in a single trade is four? This seven-team monster blows past that mark, even if it would never get past the first real-world conference call. It tries to untangle a bunch of roster and payroll questions at once — which means there are just as many ways for it to fall apart.
Start with Boston. Assume the Red Sox aim to re-sign Alex Bregman and therefore do not sit at the front of the line for someone like Pete Alonso. Even with Bregman, they still need more run production. Triston Casas offers huge upside if he returns healthy by Opening Day, but asking him to shoulder major expectations after posting a low OPS and suffering a significant knee injury is risky.
Enter Jake Burger. Despite his own struggles in Texas and a wrist issue that required offseason surgery, he still managed roughly league-average production and comes with three more years of club control. For Boston, he represents a more stable, if slightly less glamorous, path to middle-of-the-order offense. The catch is that they are effectively selling low on Casas, which is exactly the kind of move that can backfire spectacularly.
Casas heads to Miami, where a team trying to build a contender could use a hometown, high-upside bat at first base. For the Marlins, this is the classic “buy low on talent” play: they’re betting that his injury issues won’t define his career and that a fresh start close to home helps unlock his potential. In return, they move Sandy Alcantara, who is due a sizable salary in his final guaranteed year with a significant option looming. Coming off a shaky season, they are arguably selling low on him, too, but they reshape their financial picture and reposition the roster.
Alcantara lands in Arizona with a Diamondbacks team in need of pitching help but maybe wary of massive long-term free-agent deals after some recent disappointments. He offers frontline upside without the extreme years or dollars of the open market. To make room and address other needs, the D-backs part with Alek Thomas, a gifted center fielder whose tools haven’t fully translated in the majors and who might simply need a new environment.
The Phillies step in and grab Thomas for their uncertain outfield situation and especially their murky center-field picture. At just 26, he fits as a potential late-bloom breakout candidate in a lineup filled with established veterans who can take pressure off him. Philadelphia also adds Braylon Doughty, a well-regarded pitching prospect, giving them a bit of long-term upside to offset moving a more proven bat.
That more proven bat is Alec Bohm, who goes to Cleveland. The Guardians add a much-needed right-handed hitter, and even league-average production would be a meaningful boost for their offense. Bohm’s defense at third base is below average and his final year of team control isn’t cheap, so his primary role in Cleveland likely shifts to first base and designated hitter, with occasional appearances at third to give José Ramírez a breather.
The Rangers, having moved Burger, address a need behind the plate by acquiring Ryan Jeffers, who offers better offensive production at about the same projected cost as the non-tendered Jonah Heim. This gives Texas a cleaner path at catcher without jumping into deep free-agent waters. Meanwhile, the Twins, having already been reshaped throughout this fictional column, collect a couple of prospects back for Jeffers to top off what has become an impressively stocked system.
In total, this seven-team deal shuffles established players, upside projects, and financial commitments in a way that tries to solve “everyone’s” problems at once. And that’s exactly why it would almost certainly never happen: the more moving pieces involved, the more opportunities for someone to balk. Who says no? Realistically, all seven teams — which, fittingly, would set a new kind of record on its own.
So, what about you: which of these trades do you secretly love, which one makes you the angriest, and is there any deal here you’d actually want your favorite team to say yes to — or are they all beautifully, hilariously unacceptable?
